Theatre review – Just cruising

Posted: September 11, 2010 in Theatre & Event Reviews and Interviews

It’s common, but you’ll laugh anyway.

If, to quote Richard Von Glitz, you’re feeling “as lonely as a lesbian at a Brian Adams concert”, you should head down to Beefcakes for a juicy, lip-smacking, thigh-thumping cabaret.   

Richard, “call me Dick – everybody else does”, and Chi Chi Von Glitz met as a pair of hopeful performers on a cruise ship.  Chi Chi, who is a fusion of Dowwe Dolla, Die Antwoord and Lady Gogga, – the one from Parys innie Vrystaat -, discovers that her acting career is failing because she is simply too beautiful.  Instead of crumbling into a heap of fake eyelashes, Chi Chi decides to follow the example of her role model, Madonna, and sleep her way into a career.  Chi Chi tearfully says goodbye, promising her mom that she will buy herself a brain, and for her mother – a heart.  Dickie and Chi Chi meet aboard a cruise ship. Sparks fly, and it is love/lust at first sight. They tell their story through a slew of musical tributes and slinky dance moves.

Dick and Chi Chi Von Glitz

Dick and Chi Chi Von Glitz

Chi Chi transforms herself from blond bimbo to lesbian to man-eater with the slightest curl of a lip.  She is at once sexy and cringingly common. She cracks her whip singing, “Hey Big Spender’, growling that “ay lephard never reely changes hies straips.”

Its common; but you’ll like it.  Anyway, common is the new cool – if you’re swept away by the dark tide of trailer-trash band Die Antwoord and that weirdo Jack Parow. Chi Chi reminds you of a prawn on a toothpick, wedged between a piece of cracking cheddar and a green pickled onion. You don’t know if you should laugh at her or eat her.

It’s tough having two entertainers in the family – so the Von Glitzes  decide to expand, but they can’t decide if they should get a baby or a dog?  “We can’t decide if we want to ruin the carpets, or our life.” – Dick happily chirps.

Dean Roberts as Dick gives new meaning to the phrase, rubber face.  I last saw him as the sweet, star struck Romeo in Roy Sargeant’s Romeo and Juliet. With Dick he really shows off his musical finesse and deliciously twisted sense of humour.  He does a great rendition of Frank Sinatra’s ‘New York, New York – incidentally a song that Chi Chi hates.  Actually there is a lot of jealousy and suspicion that lurks beneath the glossy veneer of their wannabe celeb marriage.  Is Dick actually gay?  – he does a suspiciously brilliant impersonation of Frank-N-Furter.  And has Chi Chi really committed to the life of commitment?  And what really happened to their dog?

Just Cruising is a lot of fun and its only running until the end of September ( Wed, Fri and Sat night 20h30)  at Studio 54 under Beefcakes – 40 Somerset Road, Tickets are usually R100 per ticket but give them a call to see when the special R80  tickets apply.   Book at 021 425-9019.


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